Bleeding Heart Liberals

I told fellow Atriot Attaturk yesterday that the Denver Airport, where he was spending several unhappy hours after missing a plane, resembles a parade of shmoos. From the response, that he was now one of those, I kind of thought it a good time to refresh readers' memories about the Li'l Abner cartoon and Shmoos.

The concept of the shmoo really embraces the equation of lovingkindness with idiocy. The shmoo of cartoon fame during my childhood was so good to the human race that it ruint them. The concept of forgiveness and unconditional love was unknown. Children were raised on the principle of 'spare the rod, spoil the child'. The shmoo is pampering humanity to worthlessness.

The Shmoo first appeared in the strip in August 1948. According to Shmoo legend, the lovable creature laid eggs, gave milk and died of sheer esctasy when looked at with hunger. The Shmoo loved to be eaten and tasted like any food desired. Anything that delighted people delighted a Shmoo. Fry a Shmoo and it came out chicken. Broil it and it came out steak. Shmoo eyes made terrific suspender buttons. The hide of the Shmoo if cut thin made fine leather and if cut thick made the best lumber. Shmoo whiskers made splendid toothpicks. The Shmoo satisfied all the world's wants. You could never run out of Shmoon (plural of Shmoo) because they multiplied at such an incredible rate. The Shmoo believed that the only way to happiness was to bring happiness to others. Li'l Abner discovered Shmoos when he ventured into the forbidden Valley of the Shmoon, against the frantic protestations of Ol' Man Mose. "Shmoos," he warned, "is the greatest menace to hoomanity th' world has evah known." "Thass becuz they is so bad, huh?" asked Li'l Abner. "No, stupid," answered Mose, hurling one of life's profoundest paradoxes at Li'l Abner. "It's because they're so good!"

The neocon lifeview incorporates the cynicism I hear from a few wingnuts of my acquaintance, that caring for your fellowman is an evil practice, and 'dogooders' are feebleminded in that practice. A good healthy dislike for the human race is portrayed as intelligent and dignified.

The episode on NOW, on PBS, last night showed almost unheard of benevolence that resulted in a benefit that all that hardhearted approach has failed to achieve.

What will most help homeless people reenter the fabric of society? Some say the answer is right there in the question: a home. This week, NOW investigates a program that secures apartments for the long-term homeless, even if they haven't kicked their bad habits. If you think that sounds crazy, think again. Advocates say this approach reduces costs, encourages self-help and counseling participation, and restores self-esteem.

The evidence seems to be with them, and the program is spreading to hundreds of cities across the country. NOW follows a man nicknamed 'Footie' who invited us to see this idea in action in New York City.

The money saved in avoiding trips to ER alone was enough to make this a wise investment.

This renews my faith in a lot of things, but basically I always was rooting for the Shmoos. We're worth it, li'l fellas, if you're patient and let us come to our senses. Pampering me won't make me fall apart. Really.