Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Popping Kudzu

One of the unfortunate side-effects of engaging too much with consensual reality is an increased consumption of alcohol. I mean, really: being faced with an official British memo about how facts "were to be fixed" by the US Government to make initiating a war against Iraq easy to sell (said memo taking nearly two weeks to be noticed by US main stream media); non-stop coverage of the Terri Schiavo matter; followed by non-stop coverage of the death and burial one Pope and the election and installation of the next; followed by non-stop coverage of a run-away bride; followed by non-stop coverage of Newsweek's blurb (apparently not adequately sourced) about flushed Holy Books--all this can only lead to drinking more beer than is good for a person.

The result is increased weight (bad for the back), enlarged girth (bad for the heart), diseased liver (bad for the whole body), and perhaps the worst, beer breath (bad for the social life). And that's not all: given that there doesn't seem to be any shift in paradigm when it comes to consensual reality, more consumption of beer seems like the only way to avoid ripping one's eyes out, so the next case becomes two.

Fortunately for us mortals, there are some among us who recognize the nature of consensual reality and who are anxious to help the rest of us cope. Enter our modern heroes, the scientists.

Study: Herb Helps Curb Binge Drinking

BOSTON -- A group of 20-something drinkers seemed to lose the urge to binge-drink when they took pills made from kudzu, that ubiquitous vine that blankets the South, researchers reported.
...

Researcher Scott Lukas, with Harvard-affiliated McLean Hospital, had no trouble finding volunteers for the study, which required them to hang out in an "apartment," complete with television, recliner and fridge stocked with beer. This apartment-style laboratory was set up in the hospital, and the volunteers were told to spend a 90-minute session drinking beer and watching TV.

Those who took kudzu pills drank an average of 1.8 beers per session, compared with the 3.5 beers consumed by those who took a placebo.
Lukas was not certain why, but speculated that kudzu increases blood-alcohol levels and speeds up its effects. In other words, the drinkers needed fewer beers to feel drunk.


Think of the magesty of such a study! Kudzu, the bane of southern highway maintenance departments, has a high and holy use for modern America, and it is only an arm's length away.

I say, "Huzzah!" and (of course) "Kudos!" to those plucky and imaginative scientists. And I also say, "Barkeep, another half-glass of Sam Adams. Larry King is up next."

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